Thursday, November 7, 2013


Dear Wisconsin,

Thank you for inviting me over for the weekend. Since we've never met before, I thought I'd give you a quick overview of me - my expectations and peccadilloes - to better equip you for making my time amazing.

- I will lunge for your cheese. Don't let me have it. You will feel cheap and used and I'll feel nauseous and not respect you in the morning.

- I will lunge for your beer. Slake away. This may distract me from your smelly, ripe cheese, and will eventually incapacitate my cheese-lunging abilities.

- I only eat yellow M&Ms. I'm assuming this will not be a problem with all the extra Ms flying at M&M in M, but please don't offend me by offering other colors. I will go full-diva.

- I am appearing on a panel with Megan Abbott, Frank Bill, Reed Farrel Coleman, Hilary Davidson and Frank Wheeler Jr. These cats love to answer questions and you should definitely ask away. If you need a ready question to ask, here are a few that I'm confident my compatriots would provide insightful answers to:
"Where do your ideas come from?"
"Do you write in the morning or at night?"
"How many words do you write every day?"
"Do you think genre-writing is real literature?"
"What do you think about kids and these computer books?"
I have nothing to say about any of these topics. Instead, please ask me questions about being tall and handsome. I can answer these. I will be qualified among this company.

- I will have a few books available to purchase. You should buy them all. They make excellent gifts for friends and family members who you wish would not invite you over any more. There are many more friends to be made in the world. Give out my books and cut loose those that are weighing you down.

That's all for now,

Jedidiah Ayres

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