The Streets of Philadelphia

Anybody who hasn’t already should truck on over to Do Some Damage and check out Steve Weddle’s recap of NoirCon 2010. He captured the vibe from my coin-fed bed pretty well. Over at Ransom Notes, (where there was an unfortunate spell check incident), I’m giving a quick highlight of the panels, but I’ll go through the offscreen bits as best I can recall here. Friday morning had coffee with Kieran Shea, then met Cameron Ashley and Vicki Hendricks in the hotel lobby and walked as a foursome to the Pornography in Noir Fiction panel that featured Christa Faust and Jay Gertzman. Says I to Hendricks, “Whyfer you not onnit?”

Cut out after lunch for to walk the streets of Philadelphia, with Ashley and Anthony Neil Smith, but we never saw The Boss. Ended up in a German joint with hausfrau outfits for the waitresses and foamy, fermented ‘freshments for those with coin. Once Cam was properly sauced for his gig moderating a panel with David Corbett, Seth Harwood, Reed Farrel Coleman and Vicki, we headed back to the venue. Lemme just say that drunk is probably the only way you could get me to step between Corbett, Coleman and Harwood when their blood is up. And it’s always up. Because I’m such a good friend and not at all fraidy, I bailed and walked back to the hotel alone.

In the lobby, hung out with Ed Pettit, Scott Phillips, Megan Abbott, Duane Swierczynski before our night at the museum. Dinner was schmancy that night plus an open bar. I sat with Steve Weddle, Calvin Seen, Owen Laukkanen, Libby Cudmore, Matthew Quinn Martin, (a fellow Beat to a Pulp contibutor, no less) and Nik Korpon, (a fellow Out of the Gutter 5 contributor). Talked a lot about The Shield with Cudmore who’s a Walton Goggins fiend. Hilary Davidson showed up sometime around there and it was great to finally meet her. Weddle forced three whiskeys into me then he and Ashley goaded me into starting some shit with George Pelecanos. Yeah, he used to box. Opted to walk back to the hotel from south Philly. Disturbingly sober when I arrived. Stayed up till 3:00 with Ashley, Shea, John Rector, Stacia Decker and Weddle. Still had a hard time getting to sleep.

Breakfast with Tafoya and company in the morning, then drank NoirCon coffee by the pot and scarfed donut holes in the lobby with Korpon, Cudmore and Martin. Wandered the streets more with that crew, subsisting on coffee and milkshakes, (what happens in Philly stays there). Realized that those three all teach writing and didn’t have to seduce their high school principal in order to graduate and I felt entirely outclassed.

Best panel of the Con followed. Anthony Neil Smith and Megan Abbott discussing revisionist history of noir. Wish there were a podcast available. You missed out.

Somehow, I developed a powerful thirst after that. I wasn’t alone. Ended up in Paddy’s Pub with Shea, Decker, Smith, Ashley, Weddle and Rector. Some people ate food. The fools. After my Irish supper we headed back to the hotel and was again frighteningly clear headed upon arrival. Course corrected in a shotgun bar with Nik Korpon, Dennis Tafoya, Scott, Cam, Don Lafferty, Roger Petersen and Weddle. When the world really started to tilt again, we walked back to the hotel. Again. Stone cold sober by the time we arrived. Hung with Weddle, Ashley, Petersen, Stacia, Hilary and her husband, occasionally ducking out for pizza until we were booted from the bar at 2:30. Haunted the fancy sofa in the lobby with Ashley and Decker till 4 in the morning.

Up again at seven and took a coffee shower with my roomy Shea. He got me really worked up about his novel in progress. It’s gonna be so awesome. I have two syllables for you: KO KO. Also he’s naming a character after me, as is Swierczynski, come to think of it. Across the table from us, Duane asked me and Cam who wanted to be the prisoner and who wanted to be the guard. You always say ‘guard’ when presented with those options. Looking forward to further besmirching the family name in one of his books..

Proper breakfast with Phillips, Tafoya, Ashley, Davidsons, Decker, Peter Rozovsky and more braced me for the day. Took in one more panel and lots more bullshit with the previously mentioned crew members. Lunch with Vicki Hendricks and Joe Samuel Starnes then off to the airport. On the same flight with Phil and Patti Abbott who helped me stay awake in the terminal and then very self-servingly wished me a safe trip. By the way, my parting image of Philly was a guy walking a dog down the street and wearing a Michael Vick t-shirt. Gotta love it.

In my absence, Rod Norman posted an interview with me over at Signs & Wonders and sent me an email about his trip to see William Gay over the weekend. Good for you, buddy. Glad you got that since NoirCon was a wash for you.

And where the hell were all of you?