Friday, November 30, 2012

Jose Can You See?

So this post is a recap for all the lame-o's who couldn't be bothered to travel a few hundred lousy miles to attend N@B last week.

First, know that you are lame.

That established, N@B - Holiday edition - was not. Let's just say that the hook could not even be seen from wherever it was that the event landed. Alright, so that's a long way to go for a metaphor, but that shit is on you - I wouldn't have to extract such unwieldy fucking images from my poor, poor asshole if you took care to just show the fuck up.

But here's how that crap went. Scott Phillips kicked off the event with aplomb back in the emcee role, and hardly slurring - like at all. It was a monster lineup, and needed a power kick off, so we went to the man I've been trying to get here for three and a half years. Kent Gowran had a lead-off double with a bloody, funny excerpt from his bloody funny piece about blood and fun... and it set the tone for the evening by picking up the action immediately following a deadly assault.

Next: I was hit by the pitch, and limped to first, thereby slightly diminishing the impact of Gowran's double. I read a story called Amateurs in honor of the foreigner in our midst for whose publication that story had originally been written.

Gowran scored and I advanced to third on Sonia L. Coney RBI single, and I completely lose interest in my tedious baseball analogy here. Coney, what can I say about Coney? Coney brings hairspray and cigarette lighters around to the tinder stick house of domestic tensions like, like, like somebody who was gonna burn that shit down - after killing somebody.

Liam Jose - from the land of Oz, motherfuckers - gave us a bit about junkies and junk, but beware the extra cargo in the proverbial trunk - it's none too fresh. I have to say the accent helps loads. Loved listening to him and loved listening to Cameron Ashley when he came through a couple years back.

Kevin Lynn Helmick gave us a lovin spoonful of his brand new novella Driving Alone, and it may have been November outside, but it got downright sweltering in the crowd during Kevin's reading. Driving Alone features one of my favorite opening lines of the year, BTW - "And then there was the heat." Nice.

Matthew McBride read 3 chapters, THREE CHAPTERS!!! from his new novel - nope, not Frank Sinatra in a Blender, which just came out, but from a new one featuring characters and er, cocks we've seen in his work before. Can't wait to read the new book.

And CJ Edwards man, he got the shaft two events in a row, having to follow McBride, but you'd better believe he stepped up. Delivered a nasty-ass crime scene picture for our ocular eyeballs... shiver.... shudder... Oh my. You wanna know what I'm haunted by? Pick up Uncle B's Drive-In Fiction and check out his novella Suck - it, y'know, doesn't.

Shit's been busy, and business's been shitty lately, but don't cry for me, Argentina, because I get to hang out with the best people in the world at these events, and the shit don't get truly heavy till the after sessions, gettin drinky and makin eggs.

I've got lots to talk about soon. Till then.


Kent said...

It was a hell of a good time, Jed. Thanks for having me down.

Dyer Wilk said...

Yeah, I suck for not traveling two thousand miles. I promise my scrotum is all shriveled up with shame. Still, N@B is great shit and listening to the Corydon round on Booked puts me in a state of awe. Some powerful voices there, even if they're a bit slurred.

jedidiah ayres said...

God bless those Booked boys. The PA they were running off of was just an amplifier turned to 11 for the benefit of those in the back.

Kevin Lynn Helmick said...

Always enjoy the real and true, River City, and Noir Bar is the coolest book reading anywhere. Thanks you Jed for sqeezing me and my little book on the roster. Tip a the cap to you man.